Husbands and fathers today face a lot of pressures that we don’t necessarily understand, or ask about, or give them credit for. We’re so wrapped up in all that we need to do—our whole “perfect mom” trip—that we fail to appreciate that they, too, might be feeling overwhelmed. Like us, our guys feel obligated to do it all, and do it all well. As Meg Newcomer, a family therapist, explains, “Men feel unappreciated sometimes. They think, ‘I’m providing, so why am I getting yelled at? I would rather be at soccer.’ There’s a lot of talk about Supermom, but what about Superdad?”
The truth is, the same stuff that keeps women off balance and axious in motherhood has made fatherhood difficult for men. They have no reaodmap to show them how to be a good husband and a good dad. They feel pressured to provide. They feel pressured to be “present.” Men feel so many pressures from so many different places that many are caught off guard when their wives start insinuating that husbands today are getting a better deal. So if you haven’t clued into this already, it’s time you do: Many contemporary fathers are feeling lost, unsure of who they are and even who they’re supposed to be. For our guys, too, gender roles are less clear-cut than they were a few decades ago. That leaves our husbands bumbling around, getting banged up by all the demands they put on themselves, and making up their roles as spouses and parents as they go along.
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Us men walk around most of the time with this attitude of having it all together but deep inside, we’re clueless. Without any kind of affirmation from our wives, we sink deeper into this hole of “I’ll never get it right and might as well give up”. Is it any wonder so many families are headed by single women mothers.
Also, too many of us have become isolated from the things that could build us up; like mens groups or other authentic male relationships. We’re built to be masculine and told to be feminine at the same time.
So women, here’s a simple way to build up your man. Think about one thing you respect about him and then when he’s watching ESPN sometime, walk into the room and say; “I was thinking about you the other day and there’s one thing I really respect about you.” then walk out. Start your stopwatch and wait to see how many seconds it takes for him to turn off the tv and find you to see what you respect about him. Try it and you’ll start a great conversation.