Right around June, both of us start to smile a little more, we start to bitch a little less about those men we call our husbands, and we start to gain about an hour a day. Why, you ask? Because we are not agonizing about DINNER. Because it’s grilling season! And that means our husbands cook dinner. A lot. Because somehow that allows us to shed that terrible guilt and pressure of what to feed our families. Dinner throws us right over the edge most days of the year. It really shouldn’t have to be that way. But with all of the other ‘to do’s’ on our list, and our very apparent inability to cook anything beyond pasta and frozen broccoli, who has time to sit and plan a week’s worth of meals? Please. We loooove our outdoor grills. Because it means WE don’t have to cook nearly as many dinners. And that might just put us in the mood, too. Especially if he cleans up. Yeah, baby.
On this Father’s Day, remember to think about all of the great things your husband does…even if they are invisible. Does he pay the bills? Does he fix the car? Does he make your kids giggle when you’re not looking? It’s important to embrace and appreciate each other for what’s real and true. For what works for YOUR family, no one else’s.
So it’s summer (which came on spastically fast, didn’t it??), which in our brains equals lazy, hazy, laughing, smiling, joking, relaxing, stress-free times with our kids, doesn’t it? Isn’t it supposed to? Especially now that our 5 kids are all 5 and older, we’ve been talking about how GREAT it’s going to be — they are finally old enough to hang out pretty independently, and we are not going to over-schedule them so we can have true, real, quality time with them.
So why only a few days in are we pulling our hair out, devoid of patience and feeling out of sorts? (Maybe it’s because we’re realizing that we’re just OLD, but that’s another post - many posts - to come.) Hmmm. Is it because we’re winding down from the year? Is it because these ridiculously nice visions in our heads are not real? Summer is not supposed to include screaming, is it? Or screaming at other people in supermarket parking lots because we’re late getting our child to a doctor appointment (ahem, Trisha)?
Ok we’ve all had our moments. How are we supposed to keep it all straight? Good mom, good wife, good friend, good volunteer, good school helper, good samaritan, good daughter-in-law, good sister-in-law…? It’s impossible. Here’s what happens when you can’t keep it all straight:
(In Amy’s car, with 6-year old Sam, after school pick-up):
Sam: Guess what? NO mom showed up this morning for Centers to help us with our project.
Amy: Oh, bummer! That’s too bad.
Sam: You know why? Because YOU were supposed to be there.
Amy: What? Oh sweetie, don’t be silly. My calendar is right here, I would know if I needed to be there…
Sam: Ok, then look at it.
(Amy looks and sees “CENTERS, 9:30″ in red marker.)
Amy: Oh no. No. Really? Oh I’m so sorry Sam.
Sam: Maybe you’re doing too much, Mom. We really needed help. That was not good.
And just days later:
Pierce (Trisha’s 7-year old son): Mom, we had our last baseball game and we WON and we didn’t have any snacks after the game.
Trisha: Oh no, why?
Pierce: Because YOU were the snack mom. And you forgot. We were really hungry.
Really? Wow. Now not only are we loser moms, but our kids know it, too. They’re old enough to figure out who’s got it all together and who doesn’t. And we’re on the ‘doesn’t’ list. Argh!!
So we are big proponents of escaping for a day or two (or four) on a mini vacation without the kids. In fact, we just returned from a girls weekend to Miami (details on that another time, oh my..). Is it terrible to say that we barely (if at all) missed our kids? That it allowed us to truly, totally, fully escape emotionally and physically from our day to day lives, stress, craziness? That we kind of, sort of cringed when we dropped our kids off at school this morning wondering if any of the other moms were looking at us cross-eyed for getting out of dodge without our little darlings?
We’ve each made it a priority to run away from it all, even for 24 hours, with our husbands or our girlfriends pretty regularly, and have learned to shed the guilt associated with it. We’ve finally given ourselves permission to run away, because now we know how beneficial it is. It’s an incredible feeling to come back to your life re-charged, re-energized and really appreciating the day to day lives we have. And we hope that other moms will embrace this for themselves, too.
Some days you just want to hang out with the kids but are too exhausted to even think about playing another game of Candyland. So here are some guilt-free games to play with your kids. These are loads of fun for them but secretly they provide lots of rest and relaxation for you. We each played at least two of these just this afternoon.
BABY: This is one of our favorites because you might even get to doze off somewhere in the middle. You are the ‘baby’ and they are the mommy and/or daddy. You lay down, preferably on a really comfy couch or a bed, and they provide a soft blanket for you. They fetch all kinds of things to soothe the baby, like a pretend bottle and snacks (e.g., jellybeans, malted milk balls or your other favorite trans fatty treat). But the key is that for the’ baby’ to be happy, it needs to be very QUIET. This could go on for like an hour. Seriously, heaven.
HAIR SALON: You are the ‘client.’ They are the stylists, and they brush your hair, put in barrettes, pony tails and generally treat you like a queen. Best of all, the service is FREE. Both genders like this one, FYI.
NAIL SALON: Again, you are the ‘client.’ This one is a favorite. Tools required: Lotion, for massaging your feet, a warm wet towel for cleaning your feet afterwards and a makeup brush for the pretend polish. Sitting on a comfy couch is required as well as People magazine for your reading pleasure. **Bonus points if you get the salon owner to massage your shoulders.
RESTAURANT: You are the ‘customer.’ They serve you all kinds of real and pretend snacks, take your order, all while you are on your laptop researching recipes and other restaurants to ‘try” (and maybe checking a few emails as well). **Important note: the little ‘busboys’ and ‘busgirls’ do the clean-up. Voila!
Anyone have any other made-up ‘games’ to add to the list??
Being on Oprah was one experience, and now five days later, it’s fascinating watching the boards on Oprah.com and hearing the fiercely passionate points of views moms have from all over the country, good bad and ugly. Moms are also mobbing us with their thoughts, confessions, feelings of relief, etc. At the end of the day, just opening the dialogue is so huge. We may not all agree on all of the topics, and obviously we are still judging each other pretty harshly for our choices, but wow– what an open door there is to talking openly and honestly now! We’ve also heard from lots of moms that they’re watching the episode with their husbands to give them a better understanding of what they go through and the pressures they feel. And the results are astounding — since watching the show the husbands have been much more appreciative and supportive.
We were just talking with one small group of moms who were thankful for the show, and one of them mentioned that one of their mom friends with 2 kids committed suicide as a result of feeling overwhelming pressure. She didn’t tell a solitary soul how she was feeling - like she wasn’t living up to what she should be doing as a mom. That she was failing at her ‘job.’ That she must be the only mom in the world feeling this way. No matter what, knowing that we’re all in this together — despite where we live, what we may or may not ‘have,’ how many kids we have, if we work or stay home — is just imperative. Knowing that when someone says “how are you today?” you can answer honestly. And have a comrade right there with you.
Here’s our clip from The Today Show Friday. Check it out!
Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy
We’ll be on The Today Show Friday morning. Please tune in—we hear we’ll be appearing around the 9:00 hour. And don’t forget: Monday is Oprah!
In the meantime, check out this great link about our new book on MSNBC.
Hopefully you watched the Oprah Show on Monday April 6. Here’s a little diary of our experience. Even our kids were excited – as Trish’s son said, “I’m gonna be on Opera!”
Sunday, March 8
Harpo crew arrives at Amy’s house. We wear our favorite comfy shirts and were promptly told that the microphones won’t ‘work’ with them. Oh okaaay, plan B! 6 hour shoot. Takes most of footage in messy kids playroom with us sitting on kid chairs. Every shot has to have all 5 kids in it—are you kidding? The kids somehow knew we had no control over them on this day and took total advantage of it. As little Julia now says “when you go on Oprah, you have to run around your mother in circles and you eat popsicles and you go to Amy’s house.” We talk about our journey, what led us to write the books. Shots of us in backyard, typing, front yard, kids running around. Includes video of Amy giving kids a bath, Trish & kids in hospital with Julia born. Video ends up being 2:40 and has Oprah’s voiceover: ”Amy & Trish were long-time friends who went on a journey to find out if everyone else was feeling the same way….wrote books…”
Somewhere in the back of our brains we are trying to comprehend what this all means—that we have a huge opportunity to help moms learn to love motherhood as much as they love their kids. Our original goal was to help just one mom do this. Amazing.
Tuesday, March 10
On the plane, 30 Rock with OPRAH airs – what?! Our hearts start beating really, really fast. Harpo limo picks us up, go to Omni hotel in downtown Chicago.
Immediately we go downstairs to hotel bar with our publicist Andrea Burnett and Christina Loff, and they tell us that we’re on starting in segment 3 for the ENTIRE SHOW, ON STAGE with Oprah! We order martini’s and start to freak out as Andrea asks us if we’ve ‘reviewed’ our books adequately. Uh….Martini tastes excellent.
In the room, we start to freak out, pacing around, and call our “energy lady” to ground ourselves, and ’set our picture.’ It’s a 30 minute session which is great, we are breathing very deeply, eyes closed, on the couch. We feel so relaxed and grounded—we’re finally ready. Until we suddenly get snapped out of with her comment—”so you’ll send a check, then?” Uh, yes, we’ll send a check. ”And since you’ve achieved your goal, some people like to send me a bonus, so I’ll leave that up to you.” UH REALLY? REALLY? Seriously?? We collapse on the floor in peels of laughter, yet again, not believing where we are or what we’re doing! Oh well….we needed a good laugh.
We pack a little suitcase with our outfits, shoes, Andrea Fohrman jewelry, no makeup. We pop an Ambien around 11 with our books strewn around us.
Wednesday, March 11 — OPRAH TAPING!
6:15 a.m. — We choke down a few bites of oatmeal with blueberries and brown sugar. Most Amy’s eaten in 4 days out of sheer nervousness.
7 a.m. — Harpo stretch limo picks us up, with Andrea & Christina in tow. We are nervous, excited, it all seems extremely surreal. 20 minutes later we stop at HARPO Studios. Is this really happening??
We enter, and immediately feel the warmth of everyone—an incredible, calming, wonderful energy.
Around 7:30 a.m. — we pick out our clothing. Trish chooses a seafoam green flowy shirt and Amy really wants to wear her short sleeve turtleneck, and we go with those. Our makeup gets done—airbrushed foundation, (to try to shave maybe a year off of our ages) and slightly smoky eyes. Then, it was time! We are led to the stage, gripping each others’ hands (white knuckles!) and sit down, next to Oprah. Every audience member is a mom—and it’s an incredible feeling. Here we go!
