CHANGING-LANES-Yes-you-can-make-a-difference?zc_p=0#axzz1rrLrFmgR

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Trish and I (and 10 other amazing women from all over the country) got back from a week-long trip to Haiti on Friday. We had no expectations going into the trip – but we knew we’d be volunteering with some orphanages.

Every single day seemed like a month – we packed so much in and visited so many kids. We were exhausted, but woke up every day with a kind of euphoria that’s hard to put into words.

When you give a 9 year-old child their first soccer ball, and watch how incredibly overjoyed they are, and grateful, and excited, something in you changes forever.

When you watch 81 orphans lead their own church/choir service on a Sunday morning, singing their little hearts out, clutching their faces in emotion, you know you’ll never be the same.

When you tell a small child in Haiti that they’re beautiful, and they look up at you and smile at you as if you’re an angel, you know you’ll go home and just…be…different.

On the plane home Friday, I wondered ‘but HOW will this play out? I know I feel different, but I’m not sure what that means.’ And now, five days later, I can tell you this: I am more relaxed. I know for certain that our kids are more than ok. They are healthy. They are well taken care of. They get as much food as they need every single day. They have excellent medical care. And they did JUST fine without me for an entire week. Things may not have gotten done just the way I like them done, but it JUST DOESN’T MATTER. When you get a glimpse into the bigger picture of this world, and see how happy children in a third world country are with so little, your priorities just suddenly shift.

Give me a few weeks, and I’m sure I’ll slide into my ‘normal’ way of thinking…I’ll stress out about some project my son has to get done, or that they’re not going to bed on time. Or maybe I won’t, at least not as much.

I love my kids, and now I have a lesson from those beautiful Haitian kids that I keep having flashbacks about: Look at what you have, not what you don’t.

Our kids will be perfectly fine, as long as they learn this lesson, too.

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Before I had kids, in my head, I was the kind of laid back mom who drifted along with her kids, from experience to experience, laughing and shunning the pack of other stressed out moms who I definitely WASN’T part of. As the kids got older, I was the kind of mom who graduated with them, watching them grow, giddy with the freedoms that come along with getting out of the toddler phases. I was the kind of mom who didn’t yell — life’s too short for that! I mean, if you have inner peace, and you see the bigger picture of life, then yelling at your kids over something silly like not listening for the third time when you ask them nicely to brush their teeth before school just seems ridiculous. Right?

Yeah, ugh, right, er, NOT. In my head I’m still that mom — and I guess I was until my kids got old enough to tell me that I’m actually, well, NOT that mom. Yesterday in the airport on our way to a relaxing fun-filled beach vacation, my 7 year-old daughter, walking along with Paul, said “you know Dad, it’s funny because YOU used to be the mean parent, always yelling, and Mom was the nice one. But now, Mom’s the one always yelling, and you’re pretty nice.” Ouch! Really? No one told me that these little sweet bundles of joy would morph into MIRRORS OF MY SOUL. I laughed it off, but deep down I know she’s right — lately I’ve been way more impatient than I should be, and have raised my voice more times than I can count. Is it that damn IUD I just got? Maybe that’s it. Uh, yeah.

The truth is, I feel bad about the yelling. And I’m not sure what’s going on here. I definitely feel more nervous as a parent now, which is surprising to me. I don’t know…the older they get, the more paranoid I feel about them slipping away, and me not having control over something bad happening. What if they go on a playdate to the movies and the parent isn’t paying attention and they — poof! — disappear into the abyss of weird moviegoers, never to return from The Lorax? Is it ok for them to walk around the corner from our hotel room, down to the grassy area, without us? At what point do I really give them that freedom? Lots of kids in our neighborhood get to walk by themselves to get ice cream, as long as the oldest in the pack is 10 or 11. That just doesn’t seem ok for me, at least not yet.

And then, paradoxically, I feel like I’m annoyed with them for things they SHOULD be doing, but aren’t yet — like putting dirty clothes in the hamper, or clearing the dishes, or just putting themselves to bed once in awhile when we have guests over.

And then there’s the whole thing about WHO they’re growing up to BE. Yeah, that pesky little element that I feel totally and utterly responsible for.

I guess it’s this gray area — they really still are ‘little’ — but not really, in certain ways. It’s all kind of confusing to me. And I’m sad that my daughter thinks of me as the Mean Mom. Somehow I’ve got to figure out how to be the laid back cool mom while making sure they turn out ok.

Ideas, anyone??

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Just back from a glorious kid-free weekend in Manhattan with Paul.

Accomplishment one: I packed and wore really cute clothes that I dug out of the back of my closet (behind all the Lululemon black lycra)! And I even packed super cute jewelry.

It’s kind of magical, the thing that happens the minute the wheels take flight, you’re on the airplane, just the TWO of you. No mini backpacks to keep track of, no tiny Lego guys to fish out from under the gross fabric airplane seat. You kind of see each other in a new light…’oh yeaaahhhh, that’s why I married you. Uh huhhhh.’

Accomplishment two: We actually, after awhile of unloading kid stuff, started the kind of brainstorming-y ‘what do we want to do with our lives’ chatter that feels so frivolous and carefree, and well, indulgent. We never ever get that kind of freedom, to just while away the hours dreaming about our future, what it’s all for, where we see ourselves 5 or 10 years from now. Not sure we figured much out, but it was very fun to aimlessly chat over vats of wine.

Accomplishment three: We really truly did NOT feel any guilt. This time, and maybe it’s just because the kids are 7 and 9, we truly owned this weekend for us. We deserve to know each other on a different level, one that doesn’t involve third grade geometry or fighting over the Wii. We talked about how, if the goal of having kids in the first place is to equip them with all the tools to be independent and live on their own, then it’s our DUTY to let them fend for themselves every now and again (with a babysitter, of course) while we nurture this marriage thing.

I just asked Paul what his favorite part of the weekend was, and after giving the obvious ‘guy’ answer that I won’t print here, he said it was just sitting at Pastis, our favorite brunch spot, and having no time crunch, just eating and drinking and being.

So go – even if it’s for a day or one night – somewhere, anywhere, ALONE. Without kids. Later, when you’re still married, those kids will hopefully thank you for it.

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Day 13 of this cleanse, and I feel robotic. I’ve had this sort of malaise for a few days now…and I’m realizing how much of our lives is built around food as a celebration. Food as family glue. We almost always go to lunch on Saturday or Sunday, all four of us sitting around the table reading, Paul and I sipping a crisp glass of wine, splitting a yummy cheeseburger and fries. Or going to the movies, and splitting a huge tub of buttered popcorn (half way and on top) and chocolate covered raisins. Or at 6 p.m. on a random Tuesday night, sipping a glass of wine at our kitchen counter and talking about our respective days.

It feels foreign to me to eat to live — not the other way around. It feels like a job. I truly don’t ‘crave’ anything at the moment (ok, well maybe I kind of sort of crave a huge buttery baked potato with melted cheddar and extra sour cream, but that’s not the point). What I crave and horribly miss is the coming together of family and friends over food and drink.

It’s just not the same when I’m crunching on brown rice crackers and eating split pea soup by myself at the kitchen table. It’s just plain sad.

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1. You really burn a LOT of calories circling the alcohol cabinet

2. That pasty “oh god I’m about to chew my arm off” look is really hot right now on the Versace runway

3. The three Tic Tacs that you accidentally popped in your mouth taste better than sex

4. Your house is really, really, really clean

5. That circling the alcohol cabinet one, again

6. Your legs are shaven (what the hell else is there to do)?

7. You save a lot of cash by not eating out. (Paul: “I cannot FATHOM the idea of watching someone at the table next to me drink wine. A#%holes.”)

8. In connection to #7, you really brush up on your perezhilton.com celebrity news.

9. Your kids really brush up on their perezhilton.com celebrity news.

10. You have a new appreciation for the poor souls who lived through prohibition. That would’ve sucked.

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Day 3, Clean Program:

Ok, yesterday I was feeling like a bad flu was coming on. I was freezing cold. I was bitchy and irritable. I pretty much greatly disliked my entire family. (Except Bella the new puppy — thanks to her, everyone else is alive.) I truly felt like a lead brick, and I barely got myself from point A to point B. I had a headache and my joints ached. The whole day I was questioning why in the world I was attempting this experiment, especially if I was feeling so horrible. I mean, no one can actually SEE my liver, right? Can’t I just stuff a salad in my mouth and call it a day?

So I wake up with some dread this morning, bracing myself for another abysmal day. The morning was a bit groggy. Made my protein shake which sadly has now become a highlight of my day because it’s a faux dose of ‘sweet.’ Thought about what else I’d get to ingest — salad with chicken for lunch, lamb and brown rice for dinner. But…by the time I walked my kids to school, I felt an insane surge of energy. I felt clear headed and light and just…GOOD. So I headed to a light workout, and now it’s dinnertime and I’m happy to report I feel better than I have in a long time.

I am blown away at how our bodies react so quickly and wildly by simply eliminating certain things (sugar, alcohol, dairy, wheat). Eating how humans were designed to eat — grains, fruits, vegetables, nuts, lean protein — isn’t as tough as I thought. It’s mainly the repetition that seems a bit boring.

18 days to go.

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Trisha here…

This is tough, I have no energy. Am I the only one? It started with the lack of coffee this morning replaced by that Yerba Tea that made it possible to have a very empty stomach. I’m starting with just the elimination portion of the cleanse. Basically eliminating everything I love; toast, greek yogurt, french fries and donuts. But the hardest part for me is the sugar. This is really good for me, as it truly makes me realize how many times I reach in the cupboard for my ‘fix’. No handfuls of chocolate chips for me today.
I am sure my body will adjust, but for me no sugar means a cranky mama!
Tomorrow is a new day!

Amy here…

Trisha, stick with it mama! I know how sugar is your go-to every day. This is hard, but you can do it.

Ok, so I posted an apparently “violating” comment last night on Facebook so I promptly deleted it. Trisha, it’s in line with how your Yerba Tea emptied your stomach. I am amazed at how putting a tiny amount of flaxseed in my morning shake does the same thing. Part of this whole process is really to clean your system out — of all the junk we put into it on a daily basis. So I wasn’t trying to be obnoxiously gross, just reporting back! Sheesh!

Another thing that’s weird is what seems like a lack of eating choices. This is how humans were meant to eat — grains, vegetables, whole fruits. And right now we can have chicken and fish! Not sure what the problem is, but I’m feeling like I don’t even have any taste buds. Nothing sounds appealing. I made my friend Shauna and I a salad for lunch yesterday and it tasted like cardboard.

And I’m with you sister. I am soooo grumpy. I cannot believe how dependent I must have been on sugar, wheat and dairy. I worked out yesterday and I feel kind of flu-like right about now. I remember from the last cleanse years ago that this is totally normal — and if we can get through the next few days, we’ll start to feel normal…and then awesome. I think I remember feeling awesome, eventually? I’ll take ‘good’ right about now!

Onward!!

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Trisha here…

Yes, it was my idea. Thought we would have a new ‘awakening’ with the start of the New Year. I have been thinking about this cleanse for months now. Dreaming of how wonderful we will feel after detoxing the poison from our bodies. We will feel lean, light and have a new found creative energy ………but now….it starts tomorrow. I find myself dreading the end of the holidays. Gone goes the days of feeding every need. Gone goes the toffee, the donuts and here comes the dreaded detox from wine.
The last couple of days I have been obsessed with making sure I consume and enjoy ‘the last’ of everything. Today was the ‘last’ burger from my favorite local burger joint, along with the last french fry and last milk shake. I just finished my last chocolate cookie with peppermint frosting. Drank my last glass of wine (but now drinking ‘my last’ beer) Boy this could go on all night.

Tomorrow starts a new day with a kale, almond milk and protein shake. At least the word “shake’ is still in our vocabulary.
We hope you have found the strength to join our mission to ‘clean it up’.
We need all the support we can get!

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