Hey, Amy here. So on Friday my daughter Emily (who’s 5) fell off the monkey bars and broke her elbow in 3 places. Ambulance from school (she was nodding off so we thought she might have a concussion), and a whole day in the gross ER, in “H1″ (Hallway, section 1) since the meth addicts and swine flu victims got priority and snagged the rooms. As the nurse came to administer the morphine shot to Emily, she explained that the x-rays are going to be very painful, since they have to bend and twist her elbow around. (At this point I should’ve taken the drugs, my nerves were shot.) My daughter promptly freaked out, thrashing her body in every direction, and absolutely refused the shot, and just toughed out the x-rays. I watched her turn white as they manipulated her swollen broken arm around. She said not a word during this. Afterwards I ran to her side and asked if she was ok and she said “Mom, see, I told you. I’m stronger than the drugs.” Wow. Okaaay. I guess I now see what my future is going to be like with this little person. Can’t wait to see how her future boyfriends/husband handles her! As much as we try to protect our kids from pain, they are still going to make choices that they think are right. And sometimes, I guess we just have to let them.
Whew. Both of our littlest ones are starting Kindergarten in a matter of days, and the reality is creeping up that we really don’t have little ones anymore. Yesterday Amy took the kids to the dentist and the hygienist asked when Emily would be starting Kindergarten. The conversation went something like this:
Hygienist: Emily doesn’t start Kindergarten THIS year, does she?
Amy: Yes, yes she does.
Hygienist: WHAT?!? (Look of horror on her face, eyes bugging out.) Oh. My. Gosh. That is going to be SO hard for you watching your youngest walk away. It’s going to be a HUGE milestone. Huge.
Amy: (No words. Just tears welling up.) Exits the room immediately.
It’s so easy to try and block out what this symbolizes — the next phase of life. There they go, independent little beings, off to create their own opinions and judgments and perspectives. When will they not need us anymore? When will they stop putting their little hands in ours when we cross the street? When will they not ask — beg — for another bedtime story or song? It’s all flying by so fast. When you have little infants, your parents and friends all say ‘Try to cherish this, soon they’ll be off to college.’ And suddenly, here we are. Another reason to truly, really, live in the moment. And least for a little bit, today.
Ok – so both of our husbands happen to be sick right now. Wow…thank god we have each other to lean on or else we’d lose our minds. Yes, we DO love our husbands. But we couldn’t resist….
Top Ten Reasons It Sucks When Your Husband is Sick
10. (Insert raspy voice here) “Uh, hon, is there ANY way you could get me some gingerale? Do we have any? And maybe with a bendy straw? I really don’t know if I’ll ever recover from this, it’s baaad.” Really? Really. You know what happens when I get a nasty cold? Absolutely nothing. Nothing happens. Nothing changes, because I am not allowed to have a sick day, ever.
9. He becomes your (2nd, 3rd, 4th or 5th) child. It’s truly amazing. They have this inability to care for themselves, feed themselves or even have any common sense. You almost have to check them repeatedly to make sure they aren’t sticking a fork in the electric socket. We love you guys, but wow, being sick drains your brain cells.
8. The endless shuffling of their feet around the house in their PJs is just not sexy.
7. They are on their death bed whether they have a hangnail, common cold or a kernel of popcorn stuck in their throat.
6. Despite their dire situation, they can still muster a tiny…bit…of…energy…to…turn…on…..ESPN…
5. They still kiss the kids and get them sick.
4. They look up at you with puppy dog eyes 20 times a day (ok, this one CAN be cute on occasion).
3. You have to do their chores on top of yours (yet they don’t seem to notice you hauling huge trash bags through the house, do they?).
2. No sex for a few days (Ha!! Just kidding!! This is a positive side effect, and could possibly make up for all of the aforementioned items.)
1. Your incredible care of them during their terrible sickness will in no way ensure the same treatment for you the next time you are sick. Although they may try, bless their little hearts.
Right around June, both of us start to smile a little more, we start to bitch a little less about those men we call our husbands, and we start to gain about an hour a day. Why, you ask? Because we are not agonizing about DINNER. Because it’s grilling season! And that means our husbands cook dinner. A lot. Because somehow that allows us to shed that terrible guilt and pressure of what to feed our families. Dinner throws us right over the edge most days of the year. It really shouldn’t have to be that way. But with all of the other ‘to do’s’ on our list, and our very apparent inability to cook anything beyond pasta and frozen broccoli, who has time to sit and plan a week’s worth of meals? Please. We loooove our outdoor grills. Because it means WE don’t have to cook nearly as many dinners. And that might just put us in the mood, too. Especially if he cleans up. Yeah, baby.
On this Father’s Day, remember to think about all of the great things your husband does…even if they are invisible. Does he pay the bills? Does he fix the car? Does he make your kids giggle when you’re not looking? It’s important to embrace and appreciate each other for what’s real and true. For what works for YOUR family, no one else’s.
So it’s summer (which came on spastically fast, didn’t it??), which in our brains equals lazy, hazy, laughing, smiling, joking, relaxing, stress-free times with our kids, doesn’t it? Isn’t it supposed to? Especially now that our 5 kids are all 5 and older, we’ve been talking about how GREAT it’s going to be — they are finally old enough to hang out pretty independently, and we are not going to over-schedule them so we can have true, real, quality time with them.
So why only a few days in are we pulling our hair out, devoid of patience and feeling out of sorts? (Maybe it’s because we’re realizing that we’re just OLD, but that’s another post – many posts – to come.) Hmmm. Is it because we’re winding down from the year? Is it because these ridiculously nice visions in our heads are not real? Summer is not supposed to include screaming, is it? Or screaming at other people in supermarket parking lots because we’re late getting our child to a doctor appointment (ahem, Trisha)?
Ok we’ve all had our moments. How are we supposed to keep it all straight? Good mom, good wife, good friend, good volunteer, good school helper, good samaritan, good daughter-in-law, good sister-in-law…? It’s impossible. Here’s what happens when you can’t keep it all straight:
(In Amy’s car, with 6-year old Sam, after school pick-up):
Sam: Guess what? NO mom showed up this morning for Centers to help us with our project.
Amy: Oh, bummer! That’s too bad.
Sam: You know why? Because YOU were supposed to be there.
Amy: What? Oh sweetie, don’t be silly. My calendar is right here, I would know if I needed to be there…
Sam: Ok, then look at it.
(Amy looks and sees “CENTERS, 9:30″ in red marker.)
Amy: Oh no. No. Really? Oh I’m so sorry Sam.
Sam: Maybe you’re doing too much, Mom. We really needed help. That was not good.
And just days later:
Pierce (Trisha’s 7-year old son): Mom, we had our last baseball game and we WON and we didn’t have any snacks after the game.
Trisha: Oh no, why?
Pierce: Because YOU were the snack mom. And you forgot. We were really hungry.
Really? Wow. Now not only are we loser moms, but our kids know it, too. They’re old enough to figure out who’s got it all together and who doesn’t. And we’re on the ‘doesn’t’ list. Argh!!
So we are big proponents of escaping for a day or two (or four) on a mini vacation without the kids. In fact, we just returned from a girls weekend to Miami (details on that another time, oh my..). Is it terrible to say that we barely (if at all) missed our kids? That it allowed us to truly, totally, fully escape emotionally and physically from our day to day lives, stress, craziness? That we kind of, sort of cringed when we dropped our kids off at school this morning wondering if any of the other moms were looking at us cross-eyed for getting out of dodge without our little darlings?
We’ve each made it a priority to run away from it all, even for 24 hours, with our husbands or our girlfriends pretty regularly, and have learned to shed the guilt associated with it. We’ve finally given ourselves permission to run away, because now we know how beneficial it is. It’s an incredible feeling to come back to your life re-charged, re-energized and really appreciating the day to day lives we have. And we hope that other moms will embrace this for themselves, too.
Some days you just want to hang out with the kids but are too exhausted to even think about playing another game of Candyland. So here are some guilt-free games to play with your kids. These are loads of fun for them but secretly they provide lots of rest and relaxation for you. We each played at least two of these just this afternoon.
BABY: This is one of our favorites because you might even get to doze off somewhere in the middle. You are the ‘baby’ and they are the mommy and/or daddy. You lay down, preferably on a really comfy couch or a bed, and they provide a soft blanket for you. They fetch all kinds of things to soothe the baby, like a pretend bottle and snacks (e.g., jellybeans, malted milk balls or your other favorite trans fatty treat). But the key is that for the’ baby’ to be happy, it needs to be very QUIET. This could go on for like an hour. Seriously, heaven.
HAIR SALON: You are the ‘client.’ They are the stylists, and they brush your hair, put in barrettes, pony tails and generally treat you like a queen. Best of all, the service is FREE. Both genders like this one, FYI.
NAIL SALON: Again, you are the ‘client.’ This one is a favorite. Tools required: Lotion, for massaging your feet, a warm wet towel for cleaning your feet afterwards and a makeup brush for the pretend polish. Sitting on a comfy couch is required as well as People magazine for your reading pleasure. **Bonus points if you get the salon owner to massage your shoulders.
RESTAURANT: You are the ‘customer.’ They serve you all kinds of real and pretend snacks, take your order, all while you are on your laptop researching recipes and other restaurants to ‘try” (and maybe checking a few emails as well). **Important note: the little ‘busboys’ and ‘busgirls’ do the clean-up. Voila!
Anyone have any other made-up ‘games’ to add to the list??
Being on Oprah was one experience, and now five days later, it’s fascinating watching the boards on Oprah.com and hearing the fiercely passionate points of views moms have from all over the country, good bad and ugly. Moms are also mobbing us with their thoughts, confessions, feelings of relief, etc. At the end of the day, just opening the dialogue is so huge. We may not all agree on all of the topics, and obviously we are still judging each other pretty harshly for our choices, but wow– what an open door there is to talking openly and honestly now! We’ve also heard from lots of moms that they’re watching the episode with their husbands to give them a better understanding of what they go through and the pressures they feel. And the results are astounding — since watching the show the husbands have been much more appreciative and supportive.
We were just talking with one small group of moms who were thankful for the show, and one of them mentioned that one of their mom friends with 2 kids committed suicide as a result of feeling overwhelming pressure. She didn’t tell a solitary soul how she was feeling – like she wasn’t living up to what she should be doing as a mom. That she was failing at her ‘job.’ That she must be the only mom in the world feeling this way. No matter what, knowing that we’re all in this together — despite where we live, what we may or may not ‘have,’ how many kids we have, if we work or stay home — is just imperative. Knowing that when someone says “how are you today?” you can answer honestly. And have a comrade right there with you.
