Chatting with a new friend tonight, it made me really think about how important it is to talk to your spouse about expectations at various points throughout your relationship — especially when any kind of sea change is about to happen. Whether it’s before a baby is born, when one of you stops/starts working again, or when you have to take care of a sick parent, it’s so important to lay out the expectations BEFORE (if possible) the new phase begins. Literally sit down (with a glass of wine or 4) and ask these the questions that are really important, like…
Who will change the diapers at night? Who will stay home with the kids while the other parent works? Who is responsible for making the doctor appointments? How will you honor the other person so they have their ‘alone’ time? How do you expect your relationship to WORK through any of this? How will you make time to nurture each other and yourselves?
It’s such a great reminder for all of us, no matter where we are with things.
Would love your thoughts!
{ 3 comments… read them below or add one }
Amy – thanks for the advice. As a full time working mom who is starting to anxiously contemplate cutting back quite a bit on work, this was exceptionally helpful. I consider myself a pretty “on top of it” person, but I had not even thought about having this as a specific conversation with my husband. I broached the subject this morning (I figured we might as well “ease” into it). To my surprise, actually, when I brought up expanding some of my “household” duties (i.e. I mentioned taking over the bills, which has traditionally been “his” chore) since I would be at home more, he seemed somewhat surprised and answered that he thought the reason I was cutting back was because I was doing way too much already and had not anticipated me taking on “other” things to replace what I was giving up! What a relief! I think we will still have to go over some of the other basics (since I hate laundry and will no longer have my nanny to do it, he may have to step up to the plate sometimes) but it seems like it will be an important but maybe not so horrible conversation to continue. Thanks again!
You are so welcome Elle! So glad the conversation started on a good note! xx
This is so true! And doesn’t stop after the baby is born. My husband and I are pretty in sync mostly, but he’ll make some parenting call and I’ll go ‘what? Why would we do it that way? Shouldn’t we have talked about this?’. The trouble for me has been that with parenting, you don’t always know the questions ahead of time!