My Real Friends Are A LOT Nicer Than You

by Trisha-and-Amy on March 31, 2009

One of our friends was driving with her husband and they were talking about how they hadn’t had sex in awhile and they were living more like roommates than husband and wife. They were sitting in the car being short with each other and she said ‘we’re kind of like just friends right now. And my real ‘friends’ are a LOT nicer than you are.’ They laughed about it —an ‘oh my God!’ kind of thing. But it was an eye-opening comment that begs the question—why are we not as courteous to our own husbands as we are with our friends? Your husband walks in the door and you WANT to say hi as the kids go running up to him, but instead you fume at the counter waiting for him to ask YOU how your day was. What is THAT? Why do we have resentment towards him before the poor guy even makes eye contact As we’re sitting here in our office talking about this topic, we realize that we each do this, too. How many times have we rolled our eyes or not given our husbands the common courtesy and respect we give to our girlfriends? If a friend walked in the door at 6 p.m. at night, we’d give them a big hug and hello, yet we turn our back to our husbands.

No matter where the feeling comes from, we do have the power to shift it. We can go with the mood that is growing—we can choose to ignore each other and wait until the other person gives us the response we want or ‘make a move’—or we can create the mood WE want. Right?

{ 3 comments… read them below or add one }

Javier April 1, 2009 at 9:57 pm

Okay… this is going to sound morbid… I hope you could hear me say it instead. I’m sure it sounds a lot better than it reads, but here goes nothing:

I am married to a WONDERFUL man, an angel really. He entered my life at a time when I thought this whole relationship thing was just not for me. I meditate everyday and part of my meditation is always asking myself the question “What would happen if he didn’t make it back home today?” My stomach always shrinks when I ask myself the question. When I see him at the end of the day, no matter what else is happening, I think back to the “shrinking stomach” and I just smile, hug him, give him a kiss and say hello. Simple, but it works for me.

Amy knows of my story, not needed to really illustrate my point, but I know first hand that NOW can’t be taken for granted. That this MAY be the last time we see each other, the last time we speak, the last time we kiss or hug. It shouldn’t be a thought to makes us feel the sadness of the possibilities BUT the HAPPINESS of what we HAVE in NOW.

If you don’t feel your stomach shrinking, maybe it’s time to talk. BUT if you do, then it is time to smile, hug, kiss and say “Hello”. Make it a new habit!

Much Love,


Leslie April 10, 2009 at 10:19 am

It is so crazy that I stumbled across this website today. I just asked my husband last night “why do you jump to help your friends and I have to nag at you for weeks before you do what I ask you to do.” The question came about after I asked him for the 7th day in a row to install a program on our computer and for a month I have been asking him to file our taxes. Hello??? Deadline is next week! A neighbor will call and ask a favor and he is at their house in 30 seconds flat.

Jill April 22, 2009 at 10:32 am

We do it because we know it’s “safe” to vent and take out frustration on them. Most likely they aren’t going to leave you or stop being your husband because you snap at them wheras a friend may stop speaking to you altogether since they have no obligation to stay in the relationship.

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