On this Father’s Day, remember to think about all of the great things your husband does…even if they are invisible. Does he pay the bills? Does he fix the car? Does he make your kids giggle when you’re not looking? It’s important to embrace and appreciate each other for what’s real and true. For what works for YOUR family, no one else’s.
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The post is in response to both the motherhood show and the outstanding dad show that was done as a follow-up. While I applaud all hard working mothers shown last week and the dedicated single fathers portrayed on Monday, I have a real bone to pick with Oprah and the producers. These shows made me angry in a way because of the unspoken slight made towards husbands. Husbands who are married to the mother of their children. Husbands who work hard at NOT ONLY their job, but at being fathers that participate in housework, cooking meals, bathing children, and all the day to day stuff that the motherhood show seem to portray as the sole responsibility of the eternally “put upon” mother.
As a father who does just as much housework as my wife, cooks for my kids, helps with homework, and the morning routine all while holding down TWO jobs, the implied message about what makes an outstanding mother and outstanding father offends me.
From the motherhood show, I am told what a thankless job the mommy has to endure. I will readily admit it is a tough job and doing it right is tougher still, but from this show I hear comments like “I have to get up, get the kids dressed and fed, out the door for school, get to the after school activities, get something together for dinner, then do it all again the next day.” Well…. ya know what, EVERYONE that has kids has to do that. I have to do that with my wife. But the message is “You go girl! Mommy’s unite! That is a hard thing to do! You are a GREAT mom!” As if this has to be done in spite of your husband.
As the husband, I am the unfeeling ogre who does nothing but come home from work, plop down in my easy chair, thanklessly consume the meal prepared by my woman, and then have the nerve to suggest sex to my wife who has been going “from sun up to sun down”. I am so worthless, that I am to be “traded for a housekeeper” as the title of the book suggests. Insulting. Extremely frustrating. But wait, you say. Equal time is given on the Monday show, it is about GREAT DADS!
Monday’s show makes me angry as well. Why you ask? The show contained inspirational story’s, that I will not deny. But the stories are about two widowers, a dead solider, and a gay couple. Great dads to be sure, but do they show ONE great dad that is part of a typical family. The implication is “WOW, look at this great dad’s, doing it all without their wives. How amazing and inspiration. Because just think how clueless men are as fathers WITH their saintly wife to mother their children (see motherhood show). The fact that these men are single dads and NOT screwing it up is beyond belief. Applause to you, great dad.” The implication is that to be a good dad I must be a widower or gay.
I work, I help with EVERYTHING, I changed tons of diapers, I fed twins in the middle of the night so my wife could sleeping knowing I was working two jobs the next day, I parent, I cook, and I send my wife flowers at her work for no reason but to say “I love you”. Also, my wife didn’t “train” me. I came into the marriage or “out of the box” this way! I don’t want a parade, I don’t want a medal, but I would like a large media outlet like the Oprah Winfrey show to acknowledge that their are men in the world that contribute as much to households doing the things glorified in the motherhood show. Everyday I wake up and one of the first things I think is “how can I make my wife’s day easier today?” Dr. Phil says that, but I thought of it first!