Making New Friends ‘Black Swan’ Style

Every year for the past 10 years or so, I’ve hosted an Oscar party. It’s usually just women, no boys or babies allowed. The first year, it started out as just watching the Oscars. Then, I added a real red carpet leading down the street. Year two included gold stars on the carpet with guest names on them. Then, the expectations got pretty big, so I had to step it up with costumes, gold statuettes, and movie title signature cocktails. For someone like me, who carries not one, but two pairs of fake ‘teef’ in her purse at all times, this party was part of my identity, and it was a joyous occasion.

So this was the first Oscar night in our new town. I was ambivalent at first — do I even know enough women to invite? How far do I go? No one really knows me yet. I decided to just have a viewing. Simple. Lots of wine and champagne, a few appetizers. No betting pool, no spontaneous real-time dance numbers, just meet and greet. I sent out the Evite, and voila! I had 17 people RSVP. Score! I can do this. Fast-forward to yesterday, Oscar day. Usually when I’m putting together a cocktail party I’m skipping, I’m humming, I’m all about the fun energy. This day was different. I was lackluster. I had no sparkle. And then, I figured out why. I needed something extra for this party. It didn’t feel like ME. The only way to get to know new moms is to throw myself — no, hurl myself at them, balls out. So I decided in the frozen seafood section, to be…The Swan. I dashed back to the house, found a black tutu. That I actually own. Shocking, I know. I found my 6-year old daughter Emily’s Barbie make-up. And my friend Shauna dropped her daughter’s tiara off on the porch.

Once every last candle was lit, I slowly, methodically, got ready, like an old Oscar dame about to give her last performance. Hair pulled back. White foundation. Insanely black eye make-up, check. And the tiara. Now, the Black Swan experiment was about to begin.

I mean, how many friends does one really need? When you move to a new city at 41, you just want to connect with a few people who ‘get’ you, who you can hang out with, judgment free. So maybe being the Black Swan will act as a true litmus test.

The looks at the front door told the story. Three horrified (big scared eyes, shuffled past me to the kitchen), a handful smiled through gritted teeth (“Hi! Uh…I didn’t get the memo…heh heh”), 4 were just flatline, and approximately four genuinely seemed into it. Four! I call that a success story. I’ll take it. Natalie Portman, do you think you could get nominated for a Grease re-make next year? That would be awesome.