Dirty Little Secrets
Browse other moms’ dirty little secrets and use the comments below to confess your own.
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{ 534 comments… read them below or add one }
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I fed my kids Lucky Charms for dinner tonight. And i am preparing a gourmet meal for me and my husband after they go to bed.
i sometimes will try to induce my kids to sleep by taking a drive. when it works i park my car in a parking lot and read a book until they wake up.
I’m nicer to my kids in public than I am at home.
i find playing with my kids to be so boring my eyes could roll back into my head forever – except when they start fighting or screaming about something – then i am so annoyed and alarmed, i would give anything to be back in that old nasty office with the bitchy boss – just so i could have a moment of peace and quiet.
i love this. thank you!
where to begin… i hate that since having kids i NEVER walk up or down stairs anymore without carrying something whereas my husband sees all kinds of laundry bins, etc and toodles past them on his way up to bed.
i hate that i now make the angriest face with my kids almost everyday now – the same face my dad used to make with me that i never understood and to this day makes me feel totally rejected when i remember it.
i hate the clingyness of my 4 year old daughter – esp when she’s whiny, has snot and tries to grab at my chest or butt – ugh – i just can’t stand being touched and having food or spit or snot remnants all over my clothes ALL the time for 4 years now.
i still don’t feel “bonded” to my son who turned one last month. he’s not a cuddler and screams so dang loud. he also won’t eat solid food and after 2 other kids, i don’t have the energy to wean him off the bottle yet. i don’t really care either.
every month – pms time – i fantasize about driving away and staying at a hotel alone for days.
i’ve also joined 2 gyms for the free 2 hour childcare at each. i exercise at one and then take the laptop to the other.
i would say that 70% of the veggies we eat now are frozen (organic, but still frozen).. with a
3 yr old & a 1 yr old- standing and chopping veggies is the most ridiculous thing… and then theres the part where you actually have to get them to eat what you make…and then theres the clean-up! and somewhere in there i have to manage to eat too.. .
My kids are 4, 5, and 9…they are going through something weird where they wake up all hours of the night…which leaves me exhausted (did I mention..single mom that doubles as a HS teacher at an inner city school)..I have given them a children’s dose (appropriate for age/weight) of benadryl so I could sleep all night.
I love love love this! I was raised without a mom and I thought most of my insecurities about raising my own 3 were all about her….what a relief to know Mom’s from all backgrounds feel like me! I love this and thank you!
My husband took our 5-month-old son into his room to put him down for a nap with a bottle. My husband yelled for me to hurry into the room, and I saw our son holding his bottle all by himself for the very first time. And the first thing I did was BURST into tears, sloppy, messy, my-baby’s-growing-so-fast tears. Before the pregnancy and birth of our son, my husband knew me as a girl who never cried, ever. Now I’m crying because my son can hold his own damn bottle. I then forced my husband to come into our bedroom and have sex with me, yes, FORCED, saying I wanted another baby. I’m on the pill, so it didn’t really work. I can blame this episode on hormones, right?
I dream when my two month old son will wake up because breastfeeding is a nightmare. He fights and fights and I don’t know if he ever gets enough to eat. Trying to get him back to sleep has also become challenging. He cries and cries. Nope, I cannot return my kid, like I could if he was a cat or dog. I am stuck with this amazing miniature human being!!
Some days I can’t stand my husband and resent him for still being able to do whatever he wants without stopping to think about what the baby needs…he knows I will be taking care of things…Argh!!!
Bedtime is my favorite time of day.
After our two kids are in bed, I sometimes excuse myself from our madhouse to go fuel up the car … and fantasize about how far and where I could get on that one tank of gas.
Instead of cleaning the kitchen floor after feeding the VERY messy ten month old lunch, I call the dog over to do the “cleaning” for me. The best part is that I may not only tell my husband I scrubed the floor but I also might complain about my back hurting because of it just so he takes the baby while I lay in bed, even if only for a few min!
My husband talked me into a “quicky” under the covers while our 10 month old played with her toys on our bedroom floor…… we when finished I turned around to discover she had climbed onto a suitcase for a front row seat… I was mortified!!
I felt like I win for crappy mother of the year with that one!!
I will do anything to get my kids out the door in the morning – they are 3 and 1, and the whole routine of diapers, dressing, breakfast, jackets, hats, etc can take forever.
I have been known to use what I call “motivational incentives” to coax my 3 year old out – even if it means he’s sucking on a lollipop at 8 AM!
I totally agree with the woman who hates her post baby body and cringes when her husband tries to touch her. I mean really what is so attractive about stretch marks and loose, saggy skin? And why does my husband think it’s sexy to get it on when the baby’s crying? Like nothing could be less arousing than hearing my 2 year old or two month old crying. So when I think I’m being a good mom by nurturing our crying children, apparently I am a bad wife because I lack a libido. I just feel like my husband’s libido is on over drive while mine is on the back burner. And I’m sorry but I CAN’T stand seeing myself naked. When things jiggle that aren’t suppose to, total TURN OFF! I mean I just had a baby, can I get a break? The last thing I want to do is “accidentally” make another one of these things. Right now I’m not on any birth control because of breast feeding and am terrified that I’ll get pregnant. No big deal for my husband but I could not handle another pregnancy and child right now. Sleepless nights and potty training is enough as it is…
i know how you feel. We had a baby out of love and now after having the baby we are out of love. Having a child has ruined my marriage and made me miserable. I thought it would end but it’s been 2 years and I’m still like ” I can’t believe this is my life”.
I hate being a mom
After our 3rd child was born, our oldest starting coming into our bedroom in the middle of the night. We only have a full sized bed, so it was a little crowded with my husband, son & me in there. I suggested to my husband that he sleep on the couch for a while, and I’ve never slept so good since he started doing that! No more being woken up in the middle of the night with him making the moves on me, I can sleep in peace! It’s been almost a year since this started, and I like sleeping w/ my son and actually sleeping more than I like my husband in bed with me.
I’m so sick of listening to my mother-in-law talk about my husband and I having a second baby (I haven’t even delivered the first one yet- not due for a month) that I’m contemplating sterilization just to get her to shut up.
Until I read these books I thought I was the worst mom ever…now I actually feel like I might be one of the good ones!!!
strech marks look way better tan
Okay, so it’s Friday night and my husband is out having fun with our friends(again) while I sit home alone in my pajamas. I feel so left out. Everyone is out having fun while I sit here and look up baby stuff on the computer and watching The Food Network because there is nothing on T.V. Wow, what an exciting night! He doesn’t even feel the slightest bit of guilt when he goes out without me. I miss the carefree, spontaneous life we had before we had our baby (she’s 4 months old). I can’t wait to stop breastfeeding so that I can ask my mom to watch the baby and go out and get drunk. The only problem with that is that I would have to take care of her the next day with a hangover. Heaven forbid my husband help take care of her!
I didn’t give my nine month old any solid food for lunch today…I was just too tired to fight with him when I know he just wants to be on the breast. Plus I hate the mess, and how it takes forever to feed him the smallest amount of food, and having to hold his hands out of the way to get the spoon to his mouth (so he won’t grab it and throw it on the floor).
So I just nursed him even though I know he needs the solid food too.
This is just one of the *million* ways in which I feel like a complete and utter failure as a mother!
I feel horrible being a working mom now. I don’t think it helps when your 5 year old begs you to stay home and be with her and the baby. AND THE BABY…she is 11 weeks old. I feel like she will forget me and love my stinkin’ mother-in-law mother than me! AND my mother-in-law…I wish she would stop making those weird lunches that stink up my house with weird fishy and fried food smells. I gag and sometimes think I might be pregnant again…which send me into this state of panic. AND my job…there is no consideration. I stayed at work until 8pm the other day and wanted to DIE! Deadlines are deadlines. Today I missed a zoo field trip I was to attend at my daughter’s request but my job screwed me over. AND my husband…who my mother-in-law brings food for every stinkin’ day now and none for me….and who yesterday told me in this dumb freakin’ way “NOW I HAVE TO MAKE DINNER TOO?”. Needless to say, I almost walked out on him, and he got really chewed out. I think this man forgets that one of MY paycheks pays the mortgage. He did apologize…TODAY. Good thing it was my lunch hour and I was able to get away and go back to work. This is the same man that I make life easy for by making sure the kids are bathed, fed, and bottles washed by the time he gets home during MY lunch hour (which i go back to work without eating), while he takes over for his mom with the babysitting, AND I make him go to work very early, so he will be home very early and enjoy the kids (while I don’t)….SO THAT I CAN GET RID OF MY STINKIN’ MOTHER-IN-LAW AND THE FISHY FOOD SMELL FROM MY HOUSE! Did I mention I have an 11-week old? Yes, add sleep deprivation to the mix. I do love that little diva butterball though. Oh and having to keep my 5 year old entertained when all she wants to do is go to Party City so I can buy her stuff for her upcoming birthday party. I wish I could be that egotistical about life again like she is but it won’t happen. I have not bought myself a pair of nice shoes or any clothes since I don’t know when. It all goes to the kids. Oh, and what topped it off this week for me…my mother-in-law telling me “And to think that you’re just starting to work again after the baby…just starting”. OK, DEPRESS ME SOME MORE! SON OF A……crap, this sucks! But I still love my kids!
I miss going out with my girlfriends to the bar, getting drunk, and even being hung over–having the weekend for it to wear off. This is not an option anymore with 2 little kids. I still need to be up by 6am, let alone up 3-4 times a night to breastfeed the newborn. My husband still goes out with his friends and feels no guilt over it. I feel very resentful about this.
I used to nap for years–it started when my kids were babies and I got kind of “addicted”. I thought if I didn’t take a “pwernap”then I’dbe tired that evening. Sometimes the kids would just watch TV while I took a nap. I feel really guilty for the time I wasted during those afternoons.
i check my facebook like 10x a day just for a moment of peace.. .
i thought i could handle being a mom. i thought that i would be the best mother in the world. I thought that i wouldnt yell, or give the occasional swat on the butt. i thought that motherhood was going to be my train to independence & womonhood (or something like that).. . I thought that id be happy and content and fulfilled…
Now i realize that I dont know shit ..and that i was totally wrong about everything
i am a young stay at home mom of two children.((most of my friends havnt had kids yet)) My boys are 3 years & 1 year… you would think that i was so busy that woundnt have time to think… And I AM that busy. But also,
I HAVE NEVER BEEN SO BORED IN MY ENTIRE LIFE!!!
I truly don’t know if it is easier or harder when my husband is away on a business trip. Sure I have to do everything by myself, but it seems to get done faster, the kids are in bed by 8, and I could easily crawl into bed at 9 instead of 11.
I’ve also thought that the only way I’m ever going to get some consistent “me” time (I’m a SAHM) is to get a divorce where he would have the kids every other weekend.
I feel like my body is so ugly after having my baby. My stomach is so flabby with old lady wrinkles and my beautiful boob job has diminished. I cringe when my husband tries to touch me.
I used to nap almost every day. I started when my kids weer babies and they slept but I got in such a habit of it, that I kept doing it for years. I would let my kids watch TV or movie for a little while while I slipped off. I’ve pretty much broken the habit now but I feel bad about all those years. I hope I made up for that time in other ways–I love my kids more than anything on this earth!
I yell at my 3 year old and feel horrible after wards.
After reading your books, I’ve implemented some of the other moms’ dirty little secrets into my own life…..going to the store at night for absolutely nothing (“Oh no, I forgot…xxx…I’ll be right back”)….sitting on the side of the bath tub to read my magazines…. Some great ideas ladies!!! So glad I don’t have to feel guilty about it anymore!
I joined a second gym…(and didn’t tell my husband) just so I could have Top Secret ALONE time during the day. The fact that it’s a secret makes me want to go even more than usual!
I work part time as a hairdresser. Right now it is slow, but I still go to the salon so that I can have a break and let my husband watch the girls.
I dont have any feeings for my husband other than to use his money to pay for my college expenses, so I can get a better job and leave his sorry, mentally abusuve ass!!!
I secretly wish I could “run away” like a teenager again!!!
I dont have any sympathy left for my husband. When he does not fell well, pulls a muscle or complains about some ailment.. I get really angry and cant find any compassion for him. I am too tired and stressed to care.
I hate it when people feel the need to dish out their parenting advice…especially when they don’t have kids…
I take extra long bathroom breaks just to get a moment to myself. Usually taking an extra 5-10mins after I finish my business just to have a few quite moments!
On the day we brought our newborn baby girl home she was still in the carseat in the middle of the living room while we were bringing in the bags and sorting mail. We hear her spit up and went to grab something to wipe her up with. All we could find at the moment was a pair of my 3yr olds Elmo underwear….which I think were clean. All of a sudden, we realized what being a second child was all about.
I am jealous my boyfriend gets to go to work everyday while I am couped up with out 3 month old in the apartment with 4 cats.
I also am tired of his mom. She tells me ” I am so glad you take such good care of the baby”. OF COURSE I WOULD shes MY child!!!! urgh…
I sneak and smoke cigarettes while my boyfriend is at work. I am breast feeding.
I always find little ways of getting under my boyfriends skin. I like to “pawn” the baby off to him when he comes home from work so I can have a little relief.
I started to cry when I read about “dont feel guilty if you are on the computer while the kids [she] are playing”. I come on when my daughter is done feeding so I know she isnt going to be fussy.
My best friend REALLY doesn’t understand what its like and I want her to have a baby so she can know.
I smoke while I breastfeed.
i don”t really comb my hair, i just leave it in a ponytail and brush it up (mostly with my hands ) when i go out
I am so sick of the pressure of holidays. I went to 3 possible sources of easter egg dye, no go. For my efforts, my two children pulled down the blood pressure monitor, to the horror of the elderly waiting. I did not beat them.
I sometimes hide in my walk in closet, and silently almost piss myself laughing listening to my two children try and figure out where I am. I mean, come on, look in the closet already!
PS I loved the book, thanks!
I completely understand the title, “I would trade my husband for a housekeeper”. Why does he always finally arrive home the very second everyone is in bed and I have put my feet up? He means well, but has no idea why I have no energy! I feel bad even writing this!
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