Ok, we heard a hilarious story today. One of our friends who shall go unnamed routinely has trouble sleeping in the middle of the night. The only way she can get back to sleep is to masturbate. While her husband sleeps next to her. And she actually pulls out her purple rabbit from underneath the bed and flicks it on (bzzzzz) and does the whole routine. She says it does the trick, and he never knows! We’re betting that if he knew, he’d ask her why she doesn’t just wake HIM up. But that’s not really the point, is it??
Ok, me. (Well, one of us did.) A lot. They’re educational, right? Propping your kid up at 3 months lets you take a shower, right? Well….now it seems it wasn’t such a good idea. Thoughts? You can even get your $$ back….
http://www.nytimes.com/2009/10/24/education/24baby.html
Did we really sign up for this? Who would have thought the idea that crying babies and 4 o’clock boredom would ever look good? Didn’t we already pay our dues? Homework has now taken over our lives. What ever happened to playing outside for hours while moms sat inside, cooked dinner and contemplated cocktails? Now life is over-run with activities and flying in the door at 6pm after soccer, karate and ballet only to have nothing to cook and hours of mind-numbing homework. How does one handle this? Cut out sports and all activities? Lose friends and have no playdates…..ever? Homework has turned our once smiling kids into stressed out, angst-ridden little people. We turn into the moms we never really wanted to be; barking orders and running the house like a militant. No time to even poor a glass of wine.
At the beginning of the year, we have high hopes that once things settle down, everyone will get in the groove and we’ll barely have to remind our kids to do their homework. They’re all a year older, aren’t they? Won’t they just magically all go to their rooms and do it without being asked?
Well, we can all have a fantasy.
Ok we can only give so much. So much money to our schools, so much time and volunteering, so much energy to make sure everyone has some sort of meal in their lunchbox and then get their homework done in a timely fashion. Why is it SO black and white, going from the whimsical lazy days of summer to the insane frenzy of back to school and all of the scheduling and ‘to dos’? How can we enjoy each other when we’re racing around? Amy already forgot her daughter’s first conference. Really? Ok, done venting now.
Hey, Amy here. So on Friday my daughter Emily (who’s 5) fell off the monkey bars and broke her elbow in 3 places. Ambulance from school (she was nodding off so we thought she might have a concussion), and a whole day in the gross ER, in “H1″ (Hallway, section 1) since the meth addicts and swine flu victims got priority and snagged the rooms. As the nurse came to administer the morphine shot to Emily, she explained that the x-rays are going to be very painful, since they have to bend and twist her elbow around. (At this point I should’ve taken the drugs, my nerves were shot.) My daughter promptly freaked out, thrashing her body in every direction, and absolutely refused the shot, and just toughed out the x-rays. I watched her turn white as they manipulated her swollen broken arm around. She said not a word during this. Afterwards I ran to her side and asked if she was ok and she said “Mom, see, I told you. I’m stronger than the drugs.” Wow. Okaaay. I guess I now see what my future is going to be like with this little person. Can’t wait to see how her future boyfriends/husband handles her! As much as we try to protect our kids from pain, they are still going to make choices that they think are right. And sometimes, I guess we just have to let them.
Whew. Both of our littlest ones are starting Kindergarten in a matter of days, and the reality is creeping up that we really don’t have little ones anymore. Yesterday Amy took the kids to the dentist and the hygienist asked when Emily would be starting Kindergarten. The conversation went something like this:
Hygienist: Emily doesn’t start Kindergarten THIS year, does she?
Amy: Yes, yes she does.
Hygienist: WHAT?!? (Look of horror on her face, eyes bugging out.) Oh. My. Gosh. That is going to be SO hard for you watching your youngest walk away. It’s going to be a HUGE milestone. Huge.
Amy: (No words. Just tears welling up.) Exits the room immediately.
It’s so easy to try and block out what this symbolizes — the next phase of life. There they go, independent little beings, off to create their own opinions and judgments and perspectives. When will they not need us anymore? When will they stop putting their little hands in ours when we cross the street? When will they not ask — beg — for another bedtime story or song? It’s all flying by so fast. When you have little infants, your parents and friends all say ‘Try to cherish this, soon they’ll be off to college.’ And suddenly, here we are. Another reason to truly, really, live in the moment. And least for a little bit, today.
Ok – so both of our husbands happen to be sick right now. Wow…thank god we have each other to lean on or else we’d lose our minds. Yes, we DO love our husbands. But we couldn’t resist….
Top Ten Reasons It Sucks When Your Husband is Sick
10. (Insert raspy voice here) “Uh, hon, is there ANY way you could get me some gingerale? Do we have any? And maybe with a bendy straw? I really don’t know if I’ll ever recover from this, it’s baaad.” Really? Really. You know what happens when I get a nasty cold? Absolutely nothing. Nothing happens. Nothing changes, because I am not allowed to have a sick day, ever.
9. He becomes your (2nd, 3rd, 4th or 5th) child. It’s truly amazing. They have this inability to care for themselves, feed themselves or even have any common sense. You almost have to check them repeatedly to make sure they aren’t sticking a fork in the electric socket. We love you guys, but wow, being sick drains your brain cells.
8. The endless shuffling of their feet around the house in their PJs is just not sexy.
7. They are on their death bed whether they have a hangnail, common cold or a kernel of popcorn stuck in their throat.
6. Despite their dire situation, they can still muster a tiny…bit…of…energy…to…turn…on…..ESPN…
5. They still kiss the kids and get them sick.
4. They look up at you with puppy dog eyes 20 times a day (ok, this one CAN be cute on occasion).
3. You have to do their chores on top of yours (yet they don’t seem to notice you hauling huge trash bags through the house, do they?).
2. No sex for a few days (Ha!! Just kidding!! This is a positive side effect, and could possibly make up for all of the aforementioned items.)
1. Your incredible care of them during their terrible sickness will in no way ensure the same treatment for you the next time you are sick. Although they may try, bless their little hearts.
Right around June, both of us start to smile a little more, we start to bitch a little less about those men we call our husbands, and we start to gain about an hour a day. Why, you ask? Because we are not agonizing about DINNER. Because it’s grilling season! And that means our husbands cook dinner. A lot. Because somehow that allows us to shed that terrible guilt and pressure of what to feed our families. Dinner throws us right over the edge most days of the year. It really shouldn’t have to be that way. But with all of the other ‘to do’s’ on our list, and our very apparent inability to cook anything beyond pasta and frozen broccoli, who has time to sit and plan a week’s worth of meals? Please. We loooove our outdoor grills. Because it means WE don’t have to cook nearly as many dinners. And that might just put us in the mood, too. Especially if he cleans up. Yeah, baby.
On this Father’s Day, remember to think about all of the great things your husband does…even if they are invisible. Does he pay the bills? Does he fix the car? Does he make your kids giggle when you’re not looking? It’s important to embrace and appreciate each other for what’s real and true. For what works for YOUR family, no one else’s.
